Lamenting Apathy

Perhaps the most lamentable form of emotion a human can feel is apathy. How can I accurately define apathy in a way that illustrates the true gravity of this emotion? Apathy is not ignorance; it is not oblivion. It is, in its true manifestation, a deep-seated doctrine that rejects the essence of being human, a self-imposed anaesthesia, a psychical narcosis.

Incidentally, earlier etymological interpretations of the word led people to understand it as a virtue that will pave the way to enlightenment. This apathy, they view as the detachment from all things physical and transient. Kantian philosophy even champions apathy as a state of freedom from worldly inclinations and desires. It is not wrong to eschew materialism for the practice of looking within oneself for the real and the enduring. But, to pledge adherence to apathy is to give up living itself. It is to stand by and watch life pass us by, to go through the motions of living without activity. It is to denounce beauty.

The most malignant thing about apathy is that it gives rise to mediocrity. Without the ability to feel for anything, what can be our benchmark for excellence? In fact, without the passion to undertake, we are only destitute drones working towards the completion of tasks at hand. Throughout the course of humanity, the breakthroughs we have achieved would never have happened without our fervent strive for answers, our blazing determination and even our daring blunders.

The beauty of human emotion is that despite giving us the handicap of fallibility, it is our teacher. It teaches us morality and holds us in check where ethical dilemmas are presented. Its greatest enemy, apathy, creates a void in which evil festers. Edmund Burke once said, ‘All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.’ For any self-respecting, feeling human, the guilt of inaction would be indelible on their conscience.

Postmodern adaptations of the word have associated apathy with unhealthy visions of emotionless killings. To me, apathy carries with it nihilistic undertones. I cannot deny that in today’s complex world, contradiction and ambiguity have driven people to lose faith in their beliefs. Repeated disappointments inflict blows on people more than they care to admit. Gradually, our subconscious mechanism to block distressing information makes us forget we are human.

I would rather be accused of being voracious than unfeeling. And if I die today, I want to go knowing I was devoutly spiritual instead of agnostic, that I was incensed rather than bitter, and that I was euphoric rather than relieved. I want to have fought for human injustices, loved like there was no tomorrow, and ached my heart to pieces.

One year closer to Armageddon

Seeing as today is the last day of 2007, it calls for some attention. A final blog post of the year. I am having nothing to say because ashamedly, I haven't been reading (other than Pride and Prejudice). And all that drinking has addled my brain and probably my ability to construct a proper, grammatically correct sentence of more than..22 words. I did not just accomplish that because the previous sentence consisted of 2 'and's. See, I am rambling.

I do know that Bhutto was recently assassinated and that her husband and son were appointed to take over.

That's about it.

Oh. I do have something to whine about. Why the hell is HDB building more blocks in front of my house to block my view?! The value of my flat will most surely drop at the first hint of construction. Only think of the horror of the noise, the dust and the everything. And the selling point of this flat in the first place was the good view! That is why my parents had to pay so much to HDB. That's disgusting. I saw the aerial picture of the area and the residences are already so dense! Are we really so in want of accommodation? But there are already so many private residences springing up. I saw the tender information and it is so limited. Okay, maybe I didn't understand half of it, all the topography stuff. But why aren't they providing information for homeowners? I am peeved with that. We have the right to know what they are doing with our housing area and the quality of it. Now, I think I am having to call the surveyor since they are only providing information for the private developers.

Road Trip Malaysia 2007

'All our Malaysian friends make it sound like if we stepped foot on the streets of Malaysia, we would surely be robbed, raped, or murdered,' said Joyce. And who was the one who told me there were snipers on every rooftop? DEAN.

KLCC was a picture of peace last night. People were coming off work, teenagers were taking photos and chatting on the steps in front of the pretty fountain. I would like to say there was a group of 11 terrorists, but no, a group of 11 Block C Shearites were creating a ruckus, behaving like Singaporean sua-kus, taking photos of their faces with the twin towers in the background (and they somehow all look photoshop-ed). Then they took videos of their goodbyes to the magnificently lit Petronas Towers and proceeded to film their The Amazing Race inspired sprint to the bus station to catch the 2230 Transnational transport back to Singapore, because nothing major happened that day and Potato is convinced that that means we are going to miss our bus back (put into the context that we girls spent about an hour past the agreed time to leave in Mango, and that some horror happens every day of our trip).

But seriously, I thought the Petronas was exquisite. I couldn't stop exclaiming, until I saw it at night, and then I just couldn't exclaim anymore. Because it looked beyond pretty and I ran out of adjectives for it. But isn't it a waste of electricity if they turn on the lights every night? And my dad said it has low occupancy.

I can't believe I saw Mr Foo there, when I never ever ran into him in Singapore.

Let me start from the very beginning.

At Lavender MRT station at 0930 (plus plus), we started our walk towards the bus company to catch the 1000 bus. At this point, we realised we didn't really know our way there. But it's okay, let's get some Mr Bean pancakes first.

And then, wait! Where's the 12th person in the group? And... Who is he?? (Daniel)

Thankfully, we eventually made it on the bus. (We thought the roadtrip would end at Lavender Station!) I have to mention there was some obsession about handsoap between Emily and I (about us not being able to wash our hands clean after using the toilet).

The bus was a bit smelly. But we played Scumbag Daidee (Joyce refuses to use the word 'asshole' and scumbag sounds more classy) and slept a little.

Kane met us at the bus station in KL and took us to our hostel by the monorail. As usual, Chris got off after one stop and went back in saying 'I thought only one stop?!'

Thank you Kane for the Bak Kut Teh dinner that was out of this world! In a restaurant with walls plastered with photos of the owners and Hong Kong celebrities. Emily and I obsessed over the yam rice that wasn't available anymore and we had to eat white rice. I still want the yam rice.

Horror #2: Emily went missing and we only found that out 2 hours later. Guess what the clever girl did in the 2 hours? She bought 10 pairs of earrings and found her way back asking directions by showing people the photos she took on the way out. Ingenuity.

We settled in a French pub beside the hostel for beer and 'I have never...' (after Joyce and I spent an hour odd at the posher Irish pub eating calamari and onion rings, looking out for Emily, and evading the waitress' requests to take our drink orders. How puerile! I'm glad we won't be back.) After 4 jugs, revealing confessions, and shocking admissions that rocked the foundations of our beliefs (ahem!), we headed back.

Horror #3 of our trip happened early in the morning, even before we got on the highway towards Cameron Highlands, in fact, just before! Our rented Toyota SUV crashed into our also rented Proton when Kenneth tried to do an illegal reverse into the lane towards the highway. The bonnet of the Proton crumbled while we, in the Toyota, only felt a slight impact. Turning around, to our horror, we saw smoke rising from the front of the car. Only when the smoke cleared did we see the priceless expression on Chris' face, mouth slightly agape. And then, the occupants of the Proton jumped out for fear the engine might explode. I quote the victims of the accident: 'So many things went through my head,' said Chris. And Daniel, from the front passenger seat, said: 'Our lives flashed in front of us.' Okay, how dramatic can we get? But really, we are now having to pay a few thousand for the damage of the Proton. (Realise my emphasis.) The Toyota also sports a slightly dented bumper now. Thank God for Chui Fen's kind auntie though, because there were quite some complications (with the highway police and the car rental company) and she was really helpful and nice about the trouble we put her through.

And so, after an exciting morning, and a really uncalled for delay due to the wait at the highway and the trip to the police station that presented us with a fine (for getting into an accident with our own cars?! Nope, actually for the illegal reverse.), we continued our journey to the highlands. Oh, we got another Proton too (:

Oh oh! I forgot! We also did a 'Whoosh' in the middle of a huge carpark that houses damaged vehicles that are way beyond help. Looks like a wasteland. Yep.

On our way down from the top of the world the next morning, we fulfilled Kenneth's dream to sip tea and eat scones from a place with mountain view. We pretended to be rich English aristocrats but were plagued by unwelcomed flies that were definitely not part of our vision.

Further down, we stopped at a Strawberry Farm that sold the freshest and most beautiful vegetables I've ever seen! Gerberas too! (But I wasn't going to bring them home, they're one of my favourite flowers by the way, though they're rather cheap flowers.) Oh my gosh! Pardon my housewifeyness. But the vegetables looked so fresh that they looked artificial. Red, green, yellow capsicums, carrots, brinjals, long beans! And many many more! And so cheap! I had to buy them home. So we did (Emily and I) and we even asked the nice auntie who was selling them for a carton to put our fresh vegetables in. Happy happy. (By the way, to prove all the guys wrong, they're still fresh and pretty! In my refrigerator now. They actually survived all the manhandling and the hot Penang sun in the warmed up back seat of the vehicle. I'm so proud of my vegetables!)

We crossed the Penang bridge that afternoon. Lots of hype, from the people in the car. A whole 10 minutes of excitement through the bridge that continued into the crazy traffic of Penang, as we INCHED our way into George Town. (G-Town, yo!) Our own drivers actually rose up to the challenge of the native Ah Beng drivers there. Oh, and the sneaky Robert (Hum Ji Hao) actually reached a record speed of 140kph on the highway when we were all snoozing. So much for the nervousness and not wanting to drive, huh.

Penang is a vision of likeness to Singapore. Certain parts probably an outdated likeness but in general, the old colonial shophouses are so nostalgic. I think theirs are more authentic though.

I have a half baked theory about something. Drawing from my 6 week experience in some parts of Thailand, I saw some form of resemblance in the structure (economic, social and otherwise) of their capital cities and other cities. I couldn't help thinking that KL and Bangkok are quite similar in the sense that these two capitals have huge segregations, huge rich-poor divides that are very starkly visible in their proximity. For example, the slums in Bangkok that are right smack in the middle of an affluent district. And I think most people can see that the obvious and predominant reason for this is rural-urban migration. A huge amount of that. Not surprising for a capital city where opportunities are seen to be rampant. People just fail to recognise that land (physical space) is a limiting factor in this equation and that is sad. I think for countries that are big enough to face a problem like this, the onus is on the government to control the flow of migrants, because if they do not, they are going to have a pressing problem in the hands. With the overpopulation and all, how are they going to effectively develop and organise the city? A capital city. Where the world is going to judge them on. Of course, I do see that that's easier said than done. And so, I think capitals are overrated. I much prefer the unpretentious charm of another regular city in the country. In the case of Thailand, Chiangmai; and in Malaysia, Penang. Maybe I am still being a little uppish in my perception (I try not to be), but I feel that such cities are surprisingly developed. As we coursed through George Town, it is so difficult to ignore the evidence of Westernization. Just by looking at the names of the shops and private residences, they are so different from those seen in other parts of Malaysia (that I've seen on this trip, my opinion could be invalid due to the fact that my experience is narrow). Names like Belle Vue, Bayshore and stuff (I cannot for the life of me remember the most important example that I kept reminding myself to remember!). In fact, the amount of Malay used in the streets of George Town is just a bit more than that used in Singapore.

Anyway, we went jetskiing! It was fun. A lot more fun than my fuzzy first memory of it, riding behind my dad, I was about 9, can't remember much about it. Wish I did parasailing as well. But I am now suffering from the effects. Muscle cramps and sore thighs. I swear all I did on this trip was eat, sleep and pee at the pit stops along the highways. Almost all our time was spent in the car anyway.

We ran into waves at the beach after that. Sounds stupid and only a lot of fun if you're doing it yourself. Trust me, that's true. We managed to entertain ourselves quite hilariously. I kept falling and getting drowned in the waves though. And Joyce apparently rolled 10 meters after being caught off guard by a huge tide and Kenneth couldn't stop laughing about that while telling everyone else.

Horror #4 isn't really horror, just unfortunate. Chris got his first summon. 'I don't even get summons in Singapore!' A lot of virgin experiences on this road trip.

The next morning, we drove out to get Tau Sar Piahs and a really stupid thing happened. Daniel somehow managed to lose his slippers. In the car. In the driver's seat. Oh gosh. And so we have yet another of our many Quotes of the Day: '(by Kenneth) Big things can be lost in the smallest of enclosed places.'

Today is also the day, after constantly getting 'Holland-ed' (and it's pronounced Hall-Lahnd, I don't really understand why but I'm told it means lost because Holland is apparently always the place you end up in after getting lost) and not being able to find 'Jalan Sehala' on the map even though we see the sign everywhere on the roads, that we finally found out that Jalan Sehala means 'one-way street'. Yay. This is hilarious if you hear what our navigator said all the time the past few days: 'Where is this Jalan Sehala?? It is everywhere and nowhere. It must be a really huge street! But I can't find it on the map!'

We did not get to eat our Penang Laksa! But we did attempt to eat everything else. And at least we got the A&W that See Mun and Emily raved about throughout the trip. For our very last meal.

And the last irony: the coldest part of our trip wasn't Cameron Highlands, but the bus journey back to Singapore.

I will never forget the countless AWAS signs we saw everywhere. Just like our Malaysian friends, they eagerly warn us of a danger that we never really encountered.

This is me being unprofessional

I do realize I am getting increasingly unprofessional in this blog because I started it with the noble intention of writing about things that matter. And my last few posts haven't been about things that matter.

But I must write and I need an avenue to release my latent...feelings. I cannot believe how a reasonably rational person can get so caught up in this. Maybe I will delete this post one day. Right now, I just need to proclaim it, for the sake of my sanity. I must have been really deluded to tolerate that kind of selfishness and narcissism. Tell me how narcissistic a person can get. For all the things I saw and liked, I must be crazy to think they can make up for this.

For the past weeks, I have been blindly bashing downwards, voluntarily or otherwise, trying to seek the bottom of my own abyss. Every single time I think I've reached it, I manage to sink further. It must be some kind of a bottomless pit. I pray it isn't. Because I want to reach the bottom and then only can I stand up. I have no wish to dive head down forever because it is one hell of a sickening feeling (and I get really bad motion sickness).

I wanna scream, I wanna curse, I wanna throw something that breaks with a really loud crash. I want my life back. In one piece. The only concession I can offer is a discreet scar.



You never were the best for me. Said Daughtry in his infinite wisdom.

Curtains Closed

The whole fiasco was a huge and elaborate infatuation.

Nobody deserves to go through this kind of misery twice if they can help it. But it is tough to be a discerning customer of love because it is so easy to surrender to the luxury of feeling in love but we can't be lazy. In fact, I don't think it should take more than one failed relationship to see that real love is worth the wait but life is really unpredictable (it is a hackneyed truism, I insist). And it is true that we learn from our flawed pasts. I believe nobody goes into a relationship seeing its end. We are only blind scavengers searching for the love that will exalt us to saintliness, or fall forever into the abyss without it. Sometimes, we face mirages and scramble towards it in unseeing haste, only to find that it is not the real thing. And we cry. Our hearts break. But the people before and around us will tell us it is only part of life and we learn. Because it is part of life.

But the funny thing is that we never actually learn. We think we learn but we just become more deluded. The next time we see a mirage, we may be cautious but we may still find ourselves tricked. And that is the biggest mystery of life. We never even really know if we have found the real thing. When do we know? When we take our last breaths and find that the person is still with us, and the feeling that remains is still so profound and real. It's like taking an examination and never knowing whether we passed or failed until the very last moment of our lives.

Love is such a profound concept. To people who seek to understand it, the meaning eludes us time and again. Like how we can never comprehend the vastness of the universe. But the elusive Love is such a beauty, nobody can deny they strive for it. Some people’s whole lives are a consecration to it. True love for me is an ideal and cynicism does not stand in my way.

Stardust

You know the movie Stardust?

They should become a binary system and orbit around each other instead. How aching is it to spend the rest of eternity staring at each other from a distance (of a few light years! gosh), not being able to hold and touch one another?

It's such a tragic end for a beautiful story. But then again all great love stories are beautiful because of the tragedy. Exquisite misery. Only when you're the one watching it.

And slightly digressive, Karen Carpenter sang it well with 'because the best love songs are written with a broken heart'.

Remember, remember the 5th of November

Remember, remember the 5th of November
The Gunpowder Treason and Plot
I know of no reason why Gunpowder Treason
Should ever be forgot

This is my tribute to the movie, V for Vendetta, and also of course, the man from whom this celebrated day originated. I haven't really taken a stand on this whole Guy Fawkes episode but what I know is that the movie touched me deeply (and I never even read the comic series).

Watching people get tortured strikes a deep chord in me, especially if the victim (or perpetrator, depending on how you see it, since they are usually deemed to have done something to deserve it) is humanized. It makes me break down. And that is saying something because I am a fan of gore, albeit mindless gore.

I have a decided partiality to V, since we share the same initial, childish as it is. But more importantly, he is so articulate and emanates so much quiet strength and raw, concealed wounds from the sufferings he has endured, that it makes it impossible not to like him. I have a feeling I'm starting to sound delusional but really, I am certain there are others like him out there in the world; V is really a fictional portrayal of these legitimate living (or once living) beings.

Think about the POWs, the people taken by terrorists, and even the terrorists themselves. When you begin to attach a face to these people, it puts all the things you’ve heard, about their suffering and torture, back into perspective. I recently watched 'Rendition' and sobbed while I sat through the torture of the lead actor because I was alternating between imagining he was my husband and pretending I was him.

I honestly question how it is fair that people can be tortured without their identities and accused misdeeds even being properly verified in the first place. 'Extraordinary Rendition', these guys even have a euphemism for it. I wonder if, in between all their detached proceedings and handling of such 'renditions', they have ever fantasized about what would happen if the suspect was someone they loved or, in fact, themselves. Would they be so cold and callous then? But that is another issue for another day.

My Take on Politics

My uncle's friend once commented: "I don't care if the opposition is blind, crippled or stupid; I'll still vote for them."

To some, this may sound impertinent but even at the risk of seeming naive, I am not afraid to declare that I share the same sentiments. No personal grudges against our current governing party, I am just unwilling to risk possible bigotry should the day come when Singaporeans show unanimous patronage to one political party. I am relieved, though, judging from my own interactions with the people around me and the local political climate, that such a day has almost zero chances of actualizing.

My mom assumes a very compassionate stance when it comes to elections. Her main concern is for the opposition to not lose the deposit they pledged in order to run. Of course, she also has her personal agenda, that is, fear that opposition parties will no longer dare to step forward after repeated defeats. That is probably where I derived my preoccupation with the bigotry. Although if you ask me, I would prefer to say that I came to that conclusion through my own logical deliberation. But such was my more dominant 'political conditioning'.

My dad, on the other hand, demonstrates steadfast loyalty to the PAP, having seen how they had a hand in moulding Singapore into what she is today. I cannot deny that despite all the prevailing issues we face, Singapore's progress against all odds is a testimony to the competence of the PAP. However, come elections period, debates with him are inevitable and almost customary.

To be honest, I am not particularly fascinated with politics anyway. Ask me what my political views are and I will tell you 'apathetic', just like what my Facebook profile shows.


The author hopes she had been politically correct and sensitive because she still badly needs her degree.

Bullying the Elderly

I was looking through political weblogs for my project and chanced upon a post that so incensed me, I felt it was my civic duty to share with everyone around me.

Some of you may have come across this news about 3 Caucasians (Brits, if I’m not wrong) who took a trishaw ride from an old man and then evaded payment upon reaching their destination.

If you have not, here is the link to a blog that also provides a video the 3 Caucasians had the gall to film. In fact, whether you have read the news, please check out the website for the video and reader comments.

http://theonlinecitizen.com/2007/11/01/britons-teasing-elderly-singaporean-trishaw-rider/

One guy actually had the heart to condone the behaviour of the 3 men, concurring that $15 was an unreasonable price to pay for a trishaw ride and basically speaking in defense of the 3 perpetrators. Nothing can justify what they did. Their actions were not only dishonest but a trespass on the rights and dignity of another human being. I do not deny that other forms of transportation could have gotten them to their destination without amounting to $15 but they were not forced to take a trishaw. They chose to take a trishaw out of their own free will and had also agreed to the price before the old man took them on board. And may I also add that this is a tourist attraction so they are paying for the gimmick as well.

What really made me blow my top was their insolence in making fun of and laughing at the old trishaw rider, who was already panting in exhaustion from his exertion on the wheels. Have they no heart? I am thoroughly disappointed in the fact that there are people out there who cannot even spare compassion for the elderly.

The comment, I quote, "as a Singaporean, my attention on this piece of news is, why does a trishaw ride cost S$15?", posted by the previously mentioned reader left me wondering if he has really seen the crux of the matter. Does he have the maturity and sense to recognize that it is the behaviour of the men he should be concerned with?

Repeal Section 377A?

Section 377A of our penal code states:

Any male person who, in public or private, commits, or abets the commission of, or procures or attempts to procure the commission by any male person of, any act of gross indecency with another male person, shall be punished with imprisonment for a term which may extend to 2 years.

With the recent commotion surrounding the issue of repealing S377A, and all the websites sprouting up to propound their manifesto, even I have found it hard to suppress my take on this.

I will be upfront about my view. I cannot rise to support this repeal.

First, let me clarify that I am not homophobic. One could say I am nonchalant. But I am an advocater of rights. Everyone should have their rights, yes, even gays or lesbians. Therefore, I have never ever been intolerant of their presence in society. I just do not see the need to remove this law from our legislation.

My concern, though, is with the unfairness of this stated law. The fact that it only applies to males is a double standard in itself. Why are females exempted from this? I am tempted to think this is due to a mysterious male intolerance of gays and gay behaviour. (It doesn't help that somehow many guys have this thing about lesbianism.)

It may seem senseless to some that the government would claim to abide by the blatant inconsistency that they do not actually prosecute offenders under this law, but this is really the reason behind my contest for the retainment of this law. Admittedly, as MP Hri Kumar argued, this could undermine the credibility of our legal system but come on, what is one more inconsistency in the face of the absurdity of Singapore politics? For once, we could actually have an inconsistency that can be argued to make sense. And my case would be that at least having the law there would serve some form of deterrence. I can hear proponents (of the repeal) screaming that the professed lack of prosecution would already make the law invalid anyway but to take the step to remove it from our penal code is an even more significant promulgation of that admitted invalidity.

Not repealing this section does not make us less tolerant of gays. In fact, I feel that many Singaporeans today are liberal enough to respect the sexual orientation of their fellow countrymen. It is true that sometimes sniggers or excited prattle are generated but none so far as to violently discriminate against them (at least, none that I know of). Our dearly valued equality would not come into question here because as NMP Thio Li-Ann proclaimed in parliament, while all humans are of equal worth, not all human actions are. By 'criminalising' (because I do not see it as really criminalising since the law does not even actually prosecute them) these acts, we are attacking the wrongfulness of the act and seperating the actor from the act, not denouncing them.

I cannot deny that there may be undercurrents of prejudice since I am not an insider and may not feel it first hand, but I believe we can work towards sincerely accepting and integrating them into our society without doing away with the law. I admit that not formalizing this acceptance may already imply our insincerity but I would hate to see the endorsement of homosexuality as being a normal alternative lifestyle that our children could lead if they had so wanted. Homosexuality is a form of socialization and one cannot make the mistake of qualifying it as genetic (save for rare medical cases).

A concluding disclaimer must be added that this author is aware of such views being wholly personal and subjective. She welcomes the comments and opinions of readers, even and especially opposing.

The author further adds that this post is outdated, being that it was written for another avenue before she had a blog, but was not published because of its sensitive nature.